I'm Only me When I'm With you
by dustytiger
Summary: Hotch visits his late wife after hearing a song that made him think of her. short-fic. stand alone. challenge response for CCAOC.


Title: I'm Only Me When I'm With you  
>Author: trista groulx (dustytiger)<br>Rating: T (like the show as always)  
>Disclaimer: I'm still an unmotivated direct seller and barista, thus poor, so don't sue, I know that CM belongs to its creator, network, writer, actors, actresses and other lovely people who bring it to life weekly.<br>Summary: Hotch visits his late wife after hearing a song that made him think of her.  
>Notes: This is a challenge response. The song is by Taylor Swift and is called I'm Only me when I'm with you… umm… hotch and t-swift, really? Anyway this is all I could come up with. It's longer than a drabble but not quite a real fic… I hope it works. Also I have found different spellings of Haley's name, Haley, Hailey. I don't which is right if you know let me know I'll change it.<p>

PS if you haven't been on chit chat on author's corner where this challange came from you need to check it out. It's awesome sauce!

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><p>Aaron Hotchner found it odd to be surrounded by the sound of country-pop as he stood in a cemetery at his wife's grave. He had heard the song while he was away on a case, the team had gone out to wind down after feeling like they'd hit a wall, and Derek Morgan had suggested a night of dancing, not expecting to only be able to find country bar in the town they were in. Most of the songs were generic or depressing and certainly hadn't helped to lift the team's spirit, but this one had touched Hotch. If his wife had still been alive this would have been one of the few songs they would have danced to. He didn't mind the artist who sang the song, Taylor Swift; she sang simple love and love gone wrong songs that he would let his son listen to. Her image seemed to be clean and All-American which was rare in the popular music scene, but the saccharine tune of the young woman spoke to him; enough that he was now playing it for his late wife.<p>

He knew Haley would enjoy the singer, he knew her better than he knew anyone else. Despite their separation and the way she was killed Hotch still loved her; he knew a part of him always would. The few times he had tried to date he had found himself comparing the women to Haley, which he knew wasn't fair to them and explained that he had tried to date to early, or needed his free time for his son. As much as some of his teammates and family wanted him to move ahead he just wasn't ready, and he wasn't sure he'd ever be.

"Haley, it's true, the only time I felt like myself was when I was with you. You're the only person who knew me, who could take me away from all the things I had to see at work. The happiest time of my life was when I knew I was going to get to go home to you, even if it sometimes meant just watching you sleep. Sometimes I would get home and I woudn't want to wake you to tell you I was home, you looked so peaceful, and I would leave again before you woke up. I wanted to ask you so many times if you knew I had been there, but I didn't know how until it was too late. I miss you," he told her not knowing what else to tell her.

Hotch never knew how to act when he would come to the cemetery, but he almost always brought along a song to share with her. He tried to tell her what was going on but he found it hard instead he just stood there, trying to figure out what he should say. He traced his fingers across the engraving on her tombstone, not sure he could find the words to tell her what he was feeling. There was just something about the song that made him think of her. He knew he would always miss her, and wasn't sure he would ever be ready to move forward. He checked his watch and realised that he was going to miss bedtime with his son.

"I miss you Haley, but Jack needs me," he whispered. "I love you."

The End

Notes: Yes, I realise, it's short. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Put yourself in the shoes of a twenty eight year old rocker chick with this song prompt before you judge toooo harshly.


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